I'm doing a half mile walk of shame carrying a trash bag and still very drunk. Save me. I feel like a refugee.
Avril Lavigne as a judge on Idol wearing devil ears. it's like every boner you ever had in 2002 just came true.
I'm currently blowing up the downstairs bathroom at work. I wish I could foursquare this.
i told him i should keep a toothbrush at his house for after all the times i threw up there. he said yes but i wasnt getting a key to the apt
Most of the bar is playing trivia I'm playing destroy a relationship in twenty questions
How do I explain the handcuffs and tanning goggles on our living room floor? There's rope too. The cats love the rope.
I wanted to be mature but the vodka was resilient.
Well his ex just grabbed his dick and told him yep Ill call u later
Hahahaha don't tempt me. Remember we're trying to avoid airport jail if possible
I woke up with Pop Rocks stuck to my ass
I'm getting married
To pizza
His life is a porno. He snapped me while banging a girl in the back of the ambulance.
Of all of my friend's husbands, I like when yours hits on me best
Awe that means so much to us
I just found your shirt hanging in a tree 4 blocks from the party...in the opposite direction of your house. where are you going?
Pretty sure this radio station is run by a cult. Good thing it's in Spanish, can't brainwash someone who can't understand you.
Randomize
