i feel like im doing the pre-walk of shame..like every car that drives by is like, ooooo look at that girl, in that itty bitty dress, yep shes about to get her skank on tonight...
Ha Ha the cop that just pulled me over would like me to tell you hi!
I am making a budget for 2012. Should condoms be in the insurance or entertainment category?
Watching her eat just hurts me
So would it be tacky to offer my services as a future attorney as an engagement gift for her?
I made friends with the delivery guy because he had beautiful dread locks and was a Zelda fan. He texted me after he left saying he wasn't trying to be creepy but we should be friends. We're hanging out tomorrow.
How does this kind of shit happen to you?!
Try explaining "the nature of your relationship" to a cop when your fuck buddy vandalized your car. Priceless.
May or may not have just put tequila in my special "kids+" orange juice fortified with vitamins a, b, c, d, e, and now t.
In the last six hours i have procured a free sandwich, watched three movies, and came to orgasm. If that isn't productivity then i don't know what is.
I woke up with Pop Rocks stuck to my ass
Would it kill us to punctuate. That last text took me 5 min to read
Fuck you. Leave my nipples out of this. THEY DID NOTHING TO YOU
If you could get me there thatd be perfect. I doubt there's extradition on the moon.
She's high and screaming MEREDITH IS A WHORE
All the doctor said was why
Randomize
