Threw my underwear in my purse as I was running away after sex last night, went to pick up my birth control prescription this morning, took out my wallet and accidentally flung my sweet thong onto the counter in front of the cashier. Think that was the universes way of telling me I am a whore.
i told my doctor i had 3 partners and one unprotected.. shes a cute little indian lady i couldnt break her heart
I've seriously contemplated telling him the baby isn't his just so I can meet Maury Povich
I was just referred to as 'the margarita slut' by an 11 year old.
The size of her vagina has nothing to do with the size of her heart bro
I'll just dance on top of the ping pong table, and if it's stable enough for that, then it's stable enough for sex
Apparently we both projectiled on Erin at the same time.
That's some true roommate bonding right there.
What would you do in exchange for having a girl eat a waffle house waffle off your body?
When I left you were in the shower in your socks throwing up screaming it was blood but it was "ok" cuz it's recyclable. By the way it was kool aid.
All I want to do is sleep. And If I'm not sleeping, I want to be eating or fucking. I'm pretty sure being pregnant has turned me into a dude.
We're going to party like we don't have spanx on
Now I don't feel like I'm sweating cheeseburger all the time.
Last year you twerked on my Christmas tree and threw up all over the bathroom...in front of my parents. We should probably keep power hour to ONLY an hour this year
Please don't try and hook up with one of your high school teacher's friends
are you drinking tonight?
I have an exam tomorrow
so yes.
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