Why does it always sting when I'm breaking the seal taking a piss?
b/c u have herpes
No i said "always", not "since 2003" Asshole.
I peed while puking? Even better
Yes you most deff did. Ultimate multi tasker you are
he was pretty good aside from the whole putting his tongue on my butt thing
I cannot convey how much I really do love Chris Hansen. FYI: he is the JC Chasez of my adult years.
curled up in a ball on my bed listening to my "cuddle with a boy" playlist. prettty high.
Watching Blossom reruns on YouTube. Eating Pringles dipped in hot chocolate. Not taking this breakup well.
So the bros are yelling at another bro to get that dildo off the roof. And there is indeed a dildo looking object on the roof.
Me ending up in the fetal position in my shower is becoming far too commonplace. It's like a weekly therapy session
How did "just two beers for happy hour" turn into naked backyard wrestling?
Why do i feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear?
Think of something healthy and responsible. Now think of the exact opposite, let's do the latter
Because I'm a hot mess throwing up in the litter box
It's 4:30 AM and I just walked through a line of 10 deer without them freaking out. I am the campus deer king.
I hope April is a better month for dicks. March has been very disappointing.
We kicked down a door together last night, pretty sure that qualifies us as best friends.
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