Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
morning outfit: hottub soaked skirt. no underwear. someone's bandanna worn as a shirt. took me an hour to walk home. this isn't fun anymore.
You probably havent been upstairs if you think that the microwave missing its door is bad
I have a feeling this won't be the last time I wake up wrapped in a shower curtain with the words "Blame Bono" spray painted on it
For some reason 'start yourself on fire drunk' isn't nearly as funny after last 4th of july..
i mean i should have known that when i started taking shots with my zumba instructor i was in for a rough night...
This is the last pregnancy scare i've had since i was 12 and i thought you could get pregnant from masturbating.
I want an alcoholic time machine so we could skip to new years eve
I just realized I consumed seven different types of alcohol this weekend. And I'm only counting jungle juice as one of those. How the fuck did I not die?
maybe these stereotypes wouldn't come up if you would stop taking body shots off another
Can we please get through at least one night out when you DON'T threaten to have sex with one of my parents?!?!
I am not betting on the failure of any friend that is not you.
Trying to coordinate a drug deal while taking a psych test is not easy.
You pole danced in your parka.
Bro.. I am absolutely going to have sex with our old middle school health teacher
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