had another sex dream about alec baldwin...
She told you broke her computer after the little square in tetris wouldn't rotate for you...
the three of them together have enough kids to fill a barney live audience.
She just pulled out a chicken strip and a hundred dollar bill from her purse. This is a legit twentyfirst bday weekend.
just peed in rthe mens room but seranaeded them with adelle the whole timee so they didnt mind
after further investigation i found out he's a little bit married..
You came home with a traffic cone and said, "this is my birthday condom."
The Blue Grotto manager called. He asked me for your name and number. Apparently, on reviewing the videotape he noticed you consumed a whole pizza by yourself. He indicated that he has a tshirt for you and wants to put your picture on his eating wall of fame. Apparently, you are the first such person to complete this incredible feat of eating. Congratulations to you!! I am so proud.
I think that's why god made me a woman. Bc it's harder to slap people in the face with a vagina.
Just got blown whilst wearing a glow in the dark superman t shirt. Your night will never be as good as mine.
Not at all! I'll let your potential employer know you have a huge dick
Went to open youtube this morning, and the last search was "ten hours of whale sounds" Best pillow talk ever!
i thought this was a perfectly normal conversation between two adult men about why this children's cartoon is quality television but no you just gotta be talking shit again
I got a message the other day that just said “great tits”
A gentleman AND a scholar
You spent the entire night trying to catch pigeons and hugged a homeless guy and then gave him a pregnancy test.
Randomize
