You don't give head? I'm offended and I don't even have a cock...
She tased me when I walked in the door. Thought I was trying to steel her weed.
you drew a penis with ranch dressing. tried to take a picture of it and dropped your phone in it. Then made moaning sounds while you licked it off.
That was the most comfortable bag of doritos I have ever slept on!
Can you confirm that Victor fucked a girl for Jack in the Box tacos?
I cannot, but I know he fucked a girl for a Nerf hoop and a "Kingpin" dvd.
To this day, he introduces me as "the girl I met climbing trees at 3 A.M."
I want a grilled cheese and an IV
Dude you were so high some kid was kicking the wall and you were convinced it was your heartbeat
Thanks to a poorly written tweet a whole bunch of people thought I died last night.
Drove by a guy getting road head, midday on O Street. That could be us, but you won't let me in your pants when you drive.
you weren't there so I had to flirt with him on your behalf
Just found out that my name comes from part of my mom's old stripper name.
Buying drug test kits off amazon. And qualifying for amazonSmile donation to a kids hospital feels wrong and funny at the same time xD
Relax
It's hard to relax when a woman is waxing your asshole.
Yeah come over whenever. Weed gets here at 8.
I'll be there at 7:59.
Randomize
