woke up this morning wit a massive hangover. walked to my truck and found at least 35 for sale signs, a stop sign, and a julie kim sign...need answers
yea, you decided to become a real estate agent last night on the way home from the party. You started bitchin about how Julie Kim was stealing all your buisness....
I miss you. Just wanted to say that before the drugs kicked in so it's legit.
Any girl that compares her vag to a hot ham sandwich is beyond a slut
Climbing onto the roof in a dress and high heeled boots was probably not the best idea, especially after all that Bacardi.
We've been broken up for 7 months. His mom sent me a card with a brochure inside titled "How at Risk for STD's are you?"
It's like a puppy that we have to take care of at all times or else she'll get sad, lonely, and chew on the furniture. And by 'chew on the furniture', I mean have anonymous sex.
Why am I feeling up grandma?!
I'm really glad a picture of you as an infant followed this text.
What shitty, shitty thing could you possibly tell me that doesnt top the fact that i got hammered and showed everyone i could shit while running
She is currently drunk and caressing my professor's face with one hand.
I'm worried because he hasn't removed it.
Got stiff armed by the garbage man on the back of the truck...I just wanted to ride one block dude
Did you know they have a bouncer at Applebee's because I did not
Don't let me publish my memoir unless "hurt my ankle drunk irish dancing" is at least the title of a chapter because that is really the whole story of my life.
he offered me cocaine within 5 minutes of my arrival. yes of course i'm keeping him
How many more times can I say I need to get laid before you kill me?
the people in front of me have a grocery cart in their car... i missed college...
Randomize
