im insabelyl wasted and diont know if ill yexyed tou. call me
Grinding on my ninth grade teacher. Dreams really do come true
If you had to guess, would you say that as a species, midgets are more or less flammable than humans?
Less. Duh. They have less combustible mass.
ive been sending my husband naked pics of my whole body from my phone..its a work phone. do you think our boss can see? if so, im either getting fired, or a raise.
I just spent a chunk of my Christmas money on Plan B. I don't think that's what my relatives had mind when they said "spend it wisely", but hey, it was a good investment considering the bad life choices i made last night.
I woke up and someone had put toast at my feet. I was SO. HAPPY.
Dude this breakup has officially hit rock bottom. sitting around watching women's NCAA basketball instead of going out
There's a girl in the bathroom crying about something having to do with cream cheese.
Caleb has a beard comb now. Also I have a pube comb now too. May or may not be related incidents
looked up people from my old yearbooks. 3 ex boyfriends are gay. im getting drunk now.
A man can only lie in bed watching COPS for so long before he wants to do things that can lead him to starring on the show.
Please don't throw the wedding bouquet at me
Well I can cross 'get my dick slathered in coconut oil while watching the bob's burgers porn parody' off my bucket list.
We're like a married couple, but we only have sex on college holidays and other people's birthdays.
I'm going to blow a ton of money on sex toys just so I can tell you to do better than them.
Randomize
