remember when you found twisted pleasure condoms in my parents bathroom? theyre gone.
I told him I'm not paying rent anymore because he's seen my boobs.
How do i tell my boyfriend " I'm taking the two weeks im in Europe to fuck my way across 9 countries" in a way where we will still be together?
OH DEAR GOD. He looks like if u licked him he'd taste like bourbon, sex and sunshine.
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So the bartender from Applebees totally looks like he would take his clothes off for $40
I like how you possess the gift that turns normal guys into strippers
Don't think anyone else in the building has a lunchbox full of yay
Hey there's a sandwich in there too!
So we played the stone cold theme song and continued to chug 2 beers at once and everyone just looked in shock
It was like the devil him self busted his red hot satanic nuts all over my face and burned my eyes out of my innocent sockets.
She left a blanket, pillow, a glass of water, and two advils in the bathroom for me. It's like she knew. Best room mate ever.
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I'm gonna face reality, tomorrow morning is not on my hungover agenda.
I wanted to get all my legit stuff out, but then I decided I didn't trust drunk me with my own things
Good decision.
Sweet! It'll be a "that-minor-I-used-to-serve-alcohol-to-is-no-longer-a-minor" party!!!
I wonder if my sister will drive me around while I do bong hits in the back seat..
So the girl I met at the bar last night came home with me. Played with my puppy. And left.
location: under the moon. please find me. need ride home.
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