At a place where you lie naked on a big pile of pillows and they feed you lobster. You eat it with your bare hands.
got hammered last night, woke up this morning to 38 texts that varied from "you fucking asshole" to "i can be there in 10 minutes"
There's a skull full of vodka. How bad can it be?
Okay so my USC tutor just offered to eat me out. I think I'm definitely applying to USC.
You forget how awesome toilet paper is until you have to wipe your ass with a piece of notebook paper...
We were licking ciroc off the poker table
I'm making a quesadilla and including it in the picture because that's the only way I think I can send her dick pics.
Halfway through she said I was exactly like she imagined. So many things have been stroked this night.
Also, I wish we had magnetic nipple rings and our boobs stuck together.
I need vodka mixed w a bit of holy water right now
Remind me to tell you all about the topless girl on the street who attempted to taze me.
I can check masterbating in China off the bucket list.
Do you wanna do something, or just stare at each other and fantasize about death like we usually do
Next time I pee on a car, I'll text you.
If your talking about a poncho I WANT ONE
Randomize
