you could play connect the dots with the people ive fucked in this room
She was raised with a wonderful home life. I can't do anything with that.
He had to carry me to the car. But then sat with me and waited for me to sober up enough to have sex. He's a keeper.
He woke me up for a 10am bootycall. he was already drunk when he got here and when we were fucking, bagpipes started playing amazing grace outside of my window!! I love Boston on st. Patties day!!
You kept trying to get the girl i brought home to hook up with you by enticing her with 12 baconnators you brought home
I can't believe I left out the part about him peeing on the side of Route 2 at 3 a.m. while wearing a dress.
Day drinking! Today! (tomorrow too!) Our place! Whenever you get off work! Ready go!
You will drink beer in a kiddie pool in your back yard but you wont bring a girl home
Just please try not to piss Danny off, I really can't afford to find a new drug dealer again
I climbed up on the tank of the toilet so I could take a slo-mo vid of myself pissing into the garbage can, but the base of the toilet shattered and I had to bail.
I keep picking up boring men who literally just want to cuddle. HOW AM I THIS BAD AT GETTING SEX?
Pretty sure keeping my vibrator in the same drawer with the weed makes it work better. I fall asleep almost immedi
...this is why fuck buddies should be only for grownups.
You really need to stop getting injured so often it's really starting to negatively impact my sex life. Oh and get well soon. . . no seriously though hurry the fuck up.
Omfg 7 hour sex session who am I?
PS: I think I'm in love
Ability to walk tomorrow tbd
Randomize
