I hate the awkward morning-after-I-took-your-virginity conversations.
If you're still awake, how rude would it be if I masturbated in her new apartment on moving day? If you're asleep, then ask me how it was.
you reached into a lemon drop to pull out a lemon of someone else's drink..
No sex in the champagne room. The champagne room being my life
If you're ever desperate for a guy's #, ask him to call your lost cell phone so you can find it. Some genius used that on me last night. FML
I basically have sex lined up for me in three different countries. If that's not a feat I don't know what is
I felt kinda awkward walking into his house in nothing but lingerie and my dead grandmas overcoat
Just laying in bed with my vibrator eating cold tortillas and listening to Savage Garden.
I'm trimming my pubes right now and the battery was wearing down. So I chose to only trim one side. I cut the right side down and now I look like pubic two-face. Right all trim and near and left like a caveman.
Knows all the good gay bars AND has a dog? Wtf can't I drop pizza on guys like that????
I'm waiting for your stupid pizza and this 400 lb drunk man is behind me singing the acapella version of Elevation by U2
Seriously my new passion in life is the girth of his penis
So I was laying on the couch reading a book and he texted me. All I saw was the image of him spitting on my vagina last night in the moonlight. I gagged.
I didn't really understand how big 10 inches is. Now I know.
100000% expect a picture of my ass in them
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