Found a barbie with nipples. Life is complete.
Do you think it'll be awkward standing up at their wedding knowing I've slept with both the bride and the groom?
Do you ever wonder how many people have prayed for you to be a better person?
In case you were unaware playing with rabbits on ecstasy is the greatest thing ever. I feel like I'm ODing on adorable right now.
I need the number of a restaurant that delivers, has lock-picking abilities, and is okay with full frontal male nudity. Entirely too hungover to get out of bed.
You left me with no money to have random Chicago sex. The least you can do is pick me up an egg mcmuffin on your walk of shame back to the hotel.
You coulda licked the floor this morning and got drunk.
She cried the whole movie and got kicked out for saying "[Santa's beard] looks so soft I wanna stick my dick in it." We're going again next week. Drunk animation majors are the best
barely 48 hours and I've done the dirty on both of my roommates beds before they've even slept in them
I just got a girl to make out with me just by saying "get at me." Get at me
I decided taking Molly and seeing Birdman seemed like a wise life choice.
I'm just going to ride dicks all the way to the to the gates of hell
There is a time and place for BDSM, in-between disney sing-alongs is not one of them.
The body is still out there. I don't think my trainer realized when he asked me not to drink for 24 days, how often I see dead people
So it's my mom's birthday and I wanted to be super cheap and just walk up to her and say "I got you the greatest gift ever, mom! I'm actually sober right now!".
Randomize
