I cant believe I just managed to do a drug deal across the country for you...
May or may not have just drunkenly opened my christmas presents. Greatly disappointed. Might break up sooner.
he said i was so drunk that i shared a urinal with him and we simultainiously peed
Hey just to warn you theres a really fat guy passed out in front of our front door snoring. Don't touch him, he's in god's hands now.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She's locked herself in the bathroom with a tub of icecream and she's watching my little pony on her phone. We know it cause she sings with them.
I was barred out and drunk as fuck locked out at 3am in my Indian costume. It was literally freezing outside. I laid down on the concrete and made a bonfire with dry leaves. Then proceeded to ask.the.bonfire nicely to "please dont go out". Drunk me went strait up survival mode.
FUCK BUDDYS DON'T HOLD HANDS. NO EXCEPTIONS.
Pack light, we're going straight to bar from the train. No place to put our shit.
Dude all I'm bringing is my dick and a phone charger.
I just don't fit in here. The other wives are ten years older and have kids!
Well, you chose trophy wife of a 35 year old over college. Sit in your suburban soup and stew.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Am I a bad person for getting my ex to DD me and a random hookup home last night?
I just paid for weed by taking him to the store to buy cheese so he could make empanadas. Best. Drug deal. Ever.
Aside from the possibility of pregnancy, I'm going to call last night a raging success.
sexting foreigners is the best. they respond with silly things like "love that tits"
I just tried to get a motorcycle cop to give me a ride....he told me not to ask strangers for rides
Can't beat it when the local bar sends you off with a loaf of bread on the way out the door.
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