I'm holding in my pee so that I can hear "Cowboy" in its entirety on the radio
So do you want to come over? ;)
Never again opening up the Pandora's box of crazy that is your vagina. Sorry.
I was on hold waiting for customer service at verizon so we obviously we had enough time to have sex, i just put the phone on speaker
Well now I have my semen on her headphones
I woke up to you in just boxers at my door at 7a.m. with you saying how many squrriels you counted on the walk back, then you made me penis shaped pancakes
you blew your rape whistle in his face every time he got near a girl till he left the party...
Whiskey shot with bacon bits, our version of Goldschlager WE ARE TRYIN IT.
If it carries over into the weekend I would be glad to nurse your vagina back to health.
"Home for the holidays" isn't clearance to fuck the recently 18 year old high schooler right?
Nope, his last birthday was.
I'm thinking about wearing a strap-on just to freak him out the next time he pulls my pants off.
Are you awake? Because I would like to know whether or not I should refrain from giving my evil laugh when I enter the apartment...
A little boy in a bathroom stall just shouted "mom where's your penis?? Is it inside you?"
He told me was "pretty like the wife in some movie where the husband is a cheater." I think I'm gonna fuck him.
I basically go to him for great dick and great memes.
I just woke up in his bed.. in a cardboard castle, with a Justin Bieber poster on the ceiling staring down at me, cuddling with 4 empty PBR cans. I win.
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