last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
he smells like the inside of heather mills' fake leg
he threw mangos from the tree he was in at people and got arrested for harassment
No one actually likes Tequila. They just accept it as a fact of life. Like hpv.
Karaoke into a bottle of boones. dear summer in alabama, glad to see you again.
At what point in your drunken state would you actually believe that the cops wanted to party with you?
Like. I probably should fuck him. I owe him for breaking his thumb.
I ended up passing out on the shitter for like an hour with mcds smoothie all over my face
Circle jerk is a real thing. It looks like five innocent virgins in a closet at my brother's bar mitzvah. Yeah, I walked in on that.
He didn't call me beautiful but he came in less than five minutes so same thing, right?
I asked him if we were going to get arrested for doing it in the bar parking lot. "Absolutly not" said the guy getting the blow job...
I've covered myself in body paint in the likeness of R2D2 and I still didn't get laid. Please explain.
Literally I can feel my heart beat in my vagina because of how sore I am
Well, I sent nudes with an Elmo t shirt on the floor... so there's that.
Idk why more people don't drink at work ... i mean, yeah, the cash might be off tonight, but my customer service is fucking phenomenal right now
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