did you know you can prarie-dog a fart??
She looks makes a Zellweger face when she cums, she's keeps asking why I call her renee
Just realized I left my heels in their microwave. Whoops.
I think I kinda scared him when I told him if he premature ejaculated I would punch him in the throat.
If you hook up with a kid and the next day he breaks up with his girlfriend, those can be seen as two completely unrelated incidents right?!
Pretty sure the cab driver can even smell the sex coming from between my legs
We let 3 boys take us home and then we woke up in the middle of the night, stole all the coozies out of the house, a loaf of bread, a case of water, a pair of shorts, called a cab, and went home.
Nope. Flying out tonight. Staying with my great aunt who is an ex nun turned hostel owner. Best and likely most dangerous St. Patty's Day to commence in 10 hours. IRELAND!
Be safe. And I hate you.
I think we might have a drinking problem when the ASU kids called us crazy
No one made them take a shot with us at the 12 hour mark. That's their bad
I hooked up with a guy dressed up as morning wood. Needless to say he lived up to his costume.
Him naked in my bed with a bottle of vodka in one hand, a pipe in the other, and a rose in his mouth.
Considering who their parents are, maybe you should use vodka for the baptism.
Last time I "ran into him" I ended up with the clap and had to explain why the ladder was missing from the garage.
Almost ran out to the street bowl in hand when I hear the ice cream truck pull up outside.
Everything about that text makes me proud to be your sister.
Oh and people at work think i got knocked up so my gay roomie is claiming it as his lol
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