I plan on putting pajamas back on after I shower. Today is going to be awesome.
Hey guys. This is Daniel texting on mayas phone. if she called you and told you that i made her have sex with me in my doghouse with my dog present that wasn't true.... so dont spread that.
No, I don't think Michelle is a squirter. And if I've had anal sex, the Obamas have.
so today I found out that she used to be a he....
are you gonna get a divorce?
man, work is way more interesting with these acid flashbacks.
He said he was trying to live vicariously through me. I didn't have the heart to tell him that meant he was vicariously fucking his best friend.
Going to.goingto.gtoing to DIE DIE DIEEEE......i feel like everyeone impotrant in my life like MLK is judging me.... saddd day
Yeah he got kind of mad when he found out he had chased his last two shots with a combination of orange soda, water, and used mouth wash.
Either your boy toy or the kid who pulled a knife on me in high school is here
You should make a checklist to ensure they are quality material. Here's mine: wearing shoes, not drunk, very hot, has teeth, speaks english. You never know
BTW car sex works all the muscle groups. Just sayin. Legs/butt are sore as are arms, back and core.
Just banged your ex. So it really is 'him, not you' in that he's gay. Rodeo champion gay.
I owe you an apology, I was appointed captain of this sexy fuckship and I fell asleep at the helm.
A check for $9 that I used to buy six boxes of Girl Scout cookies bounced. I think I've hit a new low.
You looked at the bouncer while you pissed on the front door of the bar and said...who the fuck are you?
Randomize
