Why does Jon Cryer have a career?
That is a good question.
I was actually kinda bummed my STD test came back negative.
That would have been proof he'd slept with the stripper. Lame.
We got drunk before dinner. People at the other tables were praying for us.
So I heard you only slept with me because you were drunk...is that true?
That depends on who this is.
you woke me up just to tell me that I was beautiful in every way possible. Then you proceeded to fall asleep with your mouth on my boob.
I had to physically hold you down to stop you from going out the window naked. You put up quit the struggle.
New term. "Find a husband" fridays. It's like thirsty thursdays, but with a dowry.
the evidence from last night is not good...
what evidence?
my underwear is on inside out, and there are french fries in my hair...
SOMEONE has to puke in the potted plants at an Xmas party. As their boss I felt it should be me.
So glad the long weekend is over so I can bring this bender to a merciful end.
It's 90 percent alcohol, and 10 percent a whisper that says "get drunk"
If I had your ass I would rule the world
I'm still very high. To be blunt. No pun intended.
There is no way entering a gas station bathroom memorializing an alien abduction in rural New Hampshire is a good idea.
I remember her making the first martini but the rest of the weekend is a blur of vodka, high heels and sex toys.
First time being used by a cougar. Definitely okay with it
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