no more hot dogs for you........
fine no more vajj for you
Fucking Canada. At least when they wake up tomorrow they're still in Canada
Housekeeping called in a homicide detective. Just spent an hour explaining that we had vigorous hotel vacation sex five times, even though I was having a heavy flow day. It'll definitely be what you call a memorable honeymoon.
I can't believe you're trying to guilt me into a blow j because a tornado made you homeless.
Is it working?
Reading my bank statement stoned makes me feel like an adult.
The instructions say refer to specific course material, but I'm in no mood to reopen this awful book that caused me so many lost hours of drinking.
Yeah FUCK THAT NOISE
I just remembered that last night I ate nachos off of someone else's table with a stranger
WHAT GOOD IS APPRECIATING IF NOBODY'S NAKED
She has the best kind of daddy issues
Guess who just hooked up with a guy who was wearing a shirt from his mom's "dress up closet"?!
VASECTOMY FOR THE WIN
We fucked for 9 months, but he didn't want anything serious. So, I got rid of him and went on a date with a guy last night that looks like Kylo Ren. Who's really winning here?
Getting so old my power naps are turning into, "can I reasonably just go to bed at this time?"
Just puked most of my soul out..
We are so disgustingly codependent and I wouldn't have it any other way
Randomize
