just found preset five on the shower head...pretty sure my pussy just had a panic attack
I forgot to tell you the best part. The folded up paper he wrote his number on opened up to be a picture of him when he was younger wearing a Columbia tshirt in front of NASA and in pen said his name and "space consultant."
i have my own cum on my nose right now. don't talk to me about "embarrassed".
had to bail. she had her cat tattooed on her
its not fair. if i was a guy, i'd be getting a high five for banging two in one night.
I don't care how high you are, you can't finger me while eating potato chips.
He just called me juicy booty via text message.
I feel my soul being ripped out of my eye sockets
Just woke up with an entire pack of Oreos in my cheetah onesie. I've been waiting for this moment forever.
Do you know why I woke up with a half peeled lemon in my purse with a post-it that said "eat me" on it?
I'm sorry I peed on myself in front of your boy toy. You should tell him I'm usually not that trashy. It was nice meeting him tho..
I'm gonna play eenie meenie at the bar tonight because it's women's day and I deserve the dick
so this maintenance guy stood at the corner of my cubical and scratched his balls for like a full minute cause he thought no one could see him
You took all of your clothes off and tried to seduce me and while trying to seduce me you decided you were too drunk and passed out.
You're a mystery wrapped in an enigma wrapped in a redhead
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