I swear coke makes your nose hairs grow out of control
I'm sending you this that that when you wake up and see the girl sleeping next to you, you know who to thank
she's into porn, im staying here tonight
apparently i told her i wouldn't press charges if she brought me food.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
One of two things would happen: He'd love it, or you'd get a restraining order.
Cognac is not meant to be taken in shots. I just wanted you to know the desperation of last night.
I know. My only sports are biking to buy drugs and running from the police.
I feel like strippers are like dogs, the more you show you're terrified the faster they come at you.
Hah no, But it might feel like water boarding to my soul
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Malibu has added tequila to its rum. It's like when two beautiful gaybies come together an spawn a unicorn that only cries jellybean tears.
Look. If you're going to be my girlfriend you need to be down with me licking BBQ off your face infront of kids.
was it wrong to tell him he's welcome in my pants any time?
He's sending me pics of Yellowstone scenery...the only thing I can think is "I would have sex next to that waterfall"
By the way, anytime you want to go toe to toe on Doggystyle lyrics just let me know!
Who is this? Did we just become best friends?!
My aunt just dropped me off at the bar, handed me $50 and told me she'd pick me up later if I needed her to. I should've gotten my license suspended a long ass time ago lol
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