Dude.. I don’t care how hairy she is, you already left me at the bar, and now I have to find another fucking way home... NOW BE A MAN ABOUT IT!
dream priorities were more important than voting today. don't tell me you wouldn't keep going back to sleep to find out who would win a fight between oprah and godzilla
Well, there are worse ways to make $50 at a gay club.
He was ugly. Like horse ugly. But he was built for power, not for speed.
I thought the cops would know I was on shrooms because I was 10ft tall.
Hahah what did you even say to him?!
That I was gonna inflate his vagina with a leaf blower?
Oh.
I just heard a 350 lb guy with a stutter describe getting blood in his eye as he was shanking his cellmate and, more generally, how to survive as a white guy in jail.\n\nYou should really consider going to some AA meetings
No more stories ab the wkend for co-workers... No one else found "and I didn't have pants on when I got home Saturday night" as funny as I did.
Are we on the same shift tomorrow and more importantly do you want your pants back?
He sat down, pointed at my Converse and said "I have the same shoes." I thought "I'm going to have sex with you by the end of the night."
If you fall asleep, my vagina and I will never forgive you.
I somehow turned head, shoulders, knees, and toes into a sobriety test
I'm getting paid over-time to sit on reddit and look at dicks and abs all day. I'm really happy right now.
Well, after a pitcher of beer, I set my ex on fire. It was a little fire, he's fine. How's your night?
wish he had known he had poison ivy on his cock beforehand... Is calamine okay to put on your vag?..
Randomize
