if i were to get pulled over right now, the only thing i would be guilty of is listening to 90's Mariah Carey
you kept slapshing your drinks on people saying the power of christ compels you.
sounds like you fell off the wagon.
fuck falling off. at this point, the wagon is a dot on the horizon.
my facebook is like a giant collection of my one night stands
They just sang me a song about how small my dick is in front of the whole bar
And he tried to make it as casual as possible by asking where i was going on vacation while he was poundin me.
I was trying not to text you this weekend, so I deleted your number when I was sober. Then auto restore at midnight. It was like drunk magic
He just climbed off me and used my hairspray to fix his hair. If he hadn't just gone down on me I would think he's gay.
Beer pong consisted of me throwing a ball at the wall and then falling over because moving my arm made me dizzy. I think our team lost.
I sent him pictures of just me in my thong and he replied "you're so sweet, you make me feel special <3".... Oh.
There's gotta be a lawn gnome full ecstasy around here somewhere. And by golly I will find it
I'm a terrible friend...i should have come right over instead of having sex for an hour and a half. :/ want anything from burger king?
With a stable of 7 fuck buddies, I literally use a random number generator to determine the order in which I will booty call them on my way home from work. I have not slept in my own bed in a month. I just keep half my clothes hanging in my car or in a suitcase.
I'm a lady. Ladies do NOT hump the floor.
you know you're sexually deprived when you're holding a warm taquito in your hand and your vagina starts to tingle
Randomize
