i'll never see her again. i cant remember her last name. this is like cinderella except prince charming drank too much jameson and couldnt save a phone number properly
You have to understand, this is the first time I'm looking at a whopper sober.
He bought me a flower. He's totally getting head every day for a week.
i bought another $5 worth of vodka. with change. i look like a homeless alcoholic. i need your dino cups or else i'll be forced to make a giant jello bowl shot
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Sorry you called when I was puking in a cheetos bag
I vaguely remember chanting "USA" at the pool when we were talking to the Frenchies.
We were pointing at fat people and chanting USA.
So I'm drunk playing pool in a bar with a guy I arrested last week for a DUI...if he recognizes me, shit's gonna get real.
Fell down the metal stairs and some guy tried to fight me after you left. I fell asleep with cadbury eggs in my mouth too.
Nothing is better than seeing someone you fucked go to the Olympics. I feel so American.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm so high that I'm intently watching my neighbor move his car back and forth in order to put his motorcycle in the garage, and getting irritated that it seems so complicated.
It was just...long. I started around 2. And I think i went to bed around 2. So 12 straight hours? I remember a milkshake and frozen grapes.
Pro: She likes to masturbate to 50 shades of grey. Con: She reads 50 Shades of grey non-ironically.
is 250 jello shots considered an open container?
You are telling me my dick tastes like a taco supreme?
I'm saying this "taco supreme" tastes like your dick.
It's sunday night and I just went to the store to buy cookie dough and condoms, I'm so proud of myself.
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