escape the fate? dumbest band name ever. how about escape the fart. now that is a show i would go see!
I opened up her dishwasher and all I found was a spoon, a juice glass and all her sex toys.
listen if there's one thing I'm asking of you tonight is that you buy me a cow for my farmville.
Tell me you're stoned. It's 2:40am.
She had a group on her phone called "great fucks". I was in it. It's almost like making the forbes list
one of my coworkers is shitshow drunk, getting naked. she's about to ride the bull.
i was just going to ask if it would be cool for me to come and have a beer...
it's total chaos here. i may ride the bull... i'll be visible.
Seriously. My exes act like they own shares of my vagina.
Well, in their defense, they have invested a lot of time and money
it's been dubbed the summer of antibiotics
He rubs his penis on back when he think I'm sleeping
Dont make this weird.... I was wondering if I could paper mache a few of your dildos this weekend?
I will take a blow job from a dude that kinda looks like a girl at this point
I dunno what he did but it both burns and feels amazing to pee
So far in the last ten minutes I have tried to pour cereal into a plate. Today's gonna be a great day.
I may be going to Mexico. I just met a drug dealer at a strip club. Seems legit.
Seriously just told the plant the cheese Pringles are mine.
Testing the emergency boobs hotline
Randomize
