So I think I just got a job offer from the guy I used to blow. See, networking pays off.
A 300 lb dude in a sundress yelling bible verses while wearing a raggedy anne wig is just as funny as I thought it would be. Thank you san francisco.
She ditched her BF in the library to come see me wasted at a house party and i still ended up banging that rugby chick instead.
its 4am. im standing over him in my bed eating chinese food, on the phone with dan trying to convince him to break up with his gf. whoredom.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I give you full permission to fuck a rando on my air mattress.
i’m not very adjusted to having free time. for example, I forgot how much fun it is to masturbate.
TONGUES ARE JUST MEAT TENTACLES IN OUR MOUTHS OMG
HOW ABOUT I DON'T WAKE UP TO THESE TYPES OF TEXTS
When was the last time you made a good decision when you could've made a shitty one
I had a salad today
Screwed a girl without a condom but hey at least you got your veggies
Put some vodka in it
Its 7am
put some vodka in it
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I've taken a shot every five minutes for the past twenty. His valentines cupcakes are going to be a fucking delicious vodka induced mess. Thinking about putting vodka in this next batch. I'm the best girlfriend.
I set up her keyboard so that no matter what she does, it will open up RedTube. Click and command Q all you like, its going to porn. No I play the waiting game
I was too hungover to read the menu. I literally pointed at a picture of an advertisement and handed the cashier my card
I may or may not of seen my high school physics teacher making out with my old high school boyfriend at the bar last night
Guy running next to me at the gym is judging me. I think he can smell the whiskey leaking out of my pores.
I just had sex with the kid I walked next to at my first holy communion
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