i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
she was definitely a virgin. no ones that bad unless theyre a virgin
your sister was..
using my metrocard to split lines. it says optimism on the back. i am optimistic that you will appear at my door and help me finish all these drugs.
Your therapist is not going to think that you using your vagina as revenge is okay
Saw an eatery called Rusty Taco. That sooo could be me.
i'm going as a slutty football player, and all night i'll drunkily whisper "id love to catch your balls." into random strangers ears.
I'm so incredibly high right now the fact I am texting is nothing short of miraculous. Call the Pope. Hell make me Saint Roy, patron of stoners.
this party is nice, but i have to go home and cry over anime in order to fill my daily quota of suffering
Yeah so then I used the selfie stick his mom gave me to take nudes
I just put condoms in a mason jar because it looked prettier than the box.I think I've peaked.
you have 30 seconds to convince me not to grab this guy's crotch in front of his girlfriend
Dont care about too tired for sex, thank you for leaving your laser pointer. I have now determined both my cats are stupid.
I can't take 'get a man' advice from you. You'll stick your penis in a warm banana peel.
It's 3 am. Nothing I've tried can get the taste of failure and vomit out of my mouth.
Randomize
