Definitely locked eyes with the stripper who gave me a lapdance last night as she walked by me and into the Ann Taylor Loft in Times Square.
yours is so small it looks like an acorn!!
The album was titled "Best Night Ever" until she found out she was preggers and switched it to "God Punishes Sluts"
words cant express how excited I am to make January 1st our own personal version of The Hangover
I feel like letting the same guy who shot him dig the pellet out of his leg with a pocket knife was the bigger mistake
Oh, and I'm only keeping her around till spring. Doing the hunt for cunt is too tough in 12" of snow.
when seducing a hipster, do you think taking a nude pic on a lomo-camera app would increase my chances? grainy off-colored boobs and telling him how much i like reading salinger?
Post a pic on facebook and see if those same 46 girls find shitting in the bed handsome and adorable
These freshman guys were trying to holler at me from their window, and I realized about 20 minutes too late that the best possible reaction at that time would've been screaming "FLACCID PENIS". Oh, and I found this awesome zombie charm bracelet you would love.
omg sorry but i tried to stop you when you were at your drunk limit but i took my eyes off you for like 2 seconds and you suddenly appeared with hard liquor in both hands for yourself and downed them and it was downhill from there
Going to put that on my resume. "Only accidentally snapchatted my titties to all of my friends once."
Do you ever look back on your life and think - man I should have never had sex with that guy
I didn't tell that thing I wasn't coming over. Whoops
You know you haven't dated in a while when you call boys "that thing" and call dates "a boy type thing."
The impromptu 'dance party' was just three white dudes flailing arrhythmically in the kitchen in absolute silence. Stone cold sober.
Got electrocuted a second ago, is it weird that I have a boner?
Randomize
