You want looks pregnant, is pregnant, or the one with a kid.
While I'm in the bathroom taking a piss you think of a way to get us the hell out of here.
you just stared at your feet and said some shit about the molecules dancing and how you had just solved physics.
Contrary to what peaches says, you can't fuck the pain away. Full story later. Have a good morning, buddy.
Would you like me to write a persuasive essay on how you should let me suck your dick?
the bartender cut u off when u asked him for his screename so u could IM him later
You always know it is going to end badly when a guy asks if he met you at a "coed naked lawn bowling party"
All that matters is I got the megaphone home safely
I woke up covered in sausage cart mustard and champagne
I hope your sleeping good cuz when u wake up im punching you square in the face
Maybe it's just my body's way of telling me I don't need pinky toes. Like I'm the next evolutionary leap or something...
You gotta start bringing a flask to work so you can get a head start
Possibly a very genius or very terrible idea...
Why so philosophical about cake and sex this morning?
I know that you sometimes make decisions based on comedic effect, but losing your virginity shouldn't be one of them.
Edible... I FEEL CLOSER TO THE UNIVERSE AND I DEF TRAVELED IN TIME. I THINK I CAN READ MINDS NOW.
Can you leave her a note saying "did you enjoy watching me fuck your roommate?"
I will.
Randomize
