I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
i just overheard someone saying that they invented the 'tequila mockingbird' last night. sorry, but i found better friends
how opposed are you to picking me up at the bar at 11:00am?
and his room smelled like strippers, childrens tears, and fear
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
His foreplay reminded me too much of breastfeeding.
Spotted: woman loading franzia into a toddler-sized shopping cart for her child to push. Beautiful.
I legit just woke up on my couch, snuggled up next to some guy who's wearing my roommate's pink bathroble. What the fuck do they put in those shots?
I went from innocently day drinking to waking up handcuffed in jail. Fuck you game days
Meeting his dad and brother for the first time at the jail while I'm bailing him out ISN'T exactly how I pictured this relationship going....
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You will go out on a boat of flames filled with honor, sarcasm, and assholery, let me assure you.
MAYDAY. glass in foot, have crush on guy with mullet.life is over.
I was looking up travel destinations and somehow I ended up reading Paul's first letter to the Corinthians. I need to start going to church high...
You kept insisting you found queso that's better than oral sex
I'm disgusted with myself. I feel like I need 10 boxes of Summer's Eve and a baptism.
Pretty sure the cop told you that you were the first person he pulled over for being drunk on a tractor. So there's that.
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