We can make salsa ya know, maybe even some hot sauce. That doesn't mean we're married.
I love her so much that if I could have sex with her I wouldn't cuz my dick would feel out of place in such a perfect body/vagina
thought i was the most hungover person in class until i saw a kid puke into his bookbag...he wins
Were playing beruit winners pelt losers with eggs
Omg. One night stands are not supposed to show up to your swim class the morning after. Worst lesson ever.
I fingered her though her window because she couldn't leave
I'll hold a taco with my boobs for you
You're either a hooker or Beyonce. Beyonce is abnormally good at doing everything in heels
Mike showed up naked and in handcuffs. Again. Feel free to come over and laugh because I'm not helping this time.
You got this. You survived the RA last semester (granted you almost got arrested but still.)
Was your bare penis on or around my blanket?
A person can only vomit Fireball so much before they quit it forever
I just realized that you're going to be drunk for daylight savings time again. Godspeed.
I should know better than to open your texts at the grocery store
Im too stoned for my mom to be picking up hitch hikers. Help.
Randomize
