Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
Oh and I watched laurens last episode on the hills. its been an emotional day
It's like I'm the Little Bo Peep of sheparding dicks.
Only someone with your twisted mind could come up with that simile. Do you sit around and read 'How to turn Beloved Childrens Stories into Sexual Analogies?' This is the 3rd time you've done this.
So in our children's lit class, some jackass little boy had gone thru the where's waldo book and circled waldo. I realize you would have been that kid.
Thanks for the birthday present, i had so much fun playing with it
Are you talking about my vagina?
I was to the point where my socks were drenched in ranch dressing
Dude when we asked him where he lived all he could tell us was "by the slurpees." That fucked up.
Dude, you need to man up. You passed out before a PRESEASON game. It's a long season.
Oh, and apparently I was butt ass naked and walked into the room where anna was skyping her dude in afghanistan and said "This is happening."
Give me a minute. I'm trying to buy moonshine from a railroad worker named "Cowboy."
You owe me a one night stand and a line. Possible an inflatable flamingo as well. And a caesar salad.
when they cut me off i played the entire Justin Bieber playlist and left for another bar that didn't think i'd had enough to drink
still drunk.please come get me.he kicked me out because i couldn't stop laughing about passing out in the middle of taking his virginity.
I'm gonna invite every single tinder date I've had to my birthday. Let them fight, battle Royale style. The winner gets to fuck me. \n\nBest. Birthday. Ever
Randomize
