sometimes i wish i was able to text my cat and tell him i miss him and that i'm thinking about him
Fun fact of the day the average american will consume 13248 beers in their lifetime.
So for us it's double that?
Precisely.
I have no idea. After the fireworks it all went to shit. Do you know why I woke up with a road sign?
saw a man tazing a raccoon in the middle of the street last night... normal
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Is it weird that out of everything, Im most worried about chipping a tooth on his prince albert?
I started to trust fall random people on the dance floor
She told me I should be a condom model.
There are beer cans & oyster shells along the side of the road. I belong here
Speaking is such a hard concept right now
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
it's just one of those nights where i don't care if anyone sees my vagina
It was awful. Their identical twins so it was like having sex with Jeff wearing a wig and shaved legs.
Hi. This might be awkward, but I met you on saturday at about 330 am. I have to admit I don't remember your name, what we talked about, or various details of how I got home. What I do remember is that I was invested enough in getting your number to ask my cab driver for a pen to write it down since my phone was dead. So do you want to meet, soberer, some time?
Hey bro I think you got the wrong number I'm a dude
I might have beaten my fastest all time record going from "I really really like this girl" to "fuck that bitch"
you don't even have a vagina so you don't get to tell me what to put in mine
He started out in my roommates bed and by the end of the night was in mine, not sure how that went down. But he left happy in the morning.
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