Down at cameli's and some homeless dude just pulled out a taser. Awesome.
it's been a while because I don't count the hooker
Hey. Be honored that I consider you the genital expert. I know alot of candidates for the position.
Obviously a higher power wants us to be sunday drunk together
He left an apology note saying he had to work and that there was coffee, OJ and food on the table with two Excedrin. I left his spare key with the door guard and she said "too bad I don't go for skinny white boys or I'd jump you both!" Best one night stand ever.
That's not a funny feeling. That's hepatitis. You got it from that bar where everything was sticky.
she walked in on me throwing up in the sink with my pants around my ankles and I said "i'll be with you in a sec"
Do you remember when you first moved into my parents house with me and we came home to find that my dad bolted the headboard to the wall
How exactly does a handjob become fancy?
Blueberry lube, and champagne.
You think that was bad? One time my parents found my sister half naked on top of the four runner in the garage. She makes me look like the good child.
But I only have 2 emotions angry and horny
Hey, I was just wondering why i dont have a shirt on, why im cuddling with a furnace, why im in my own basement, and where my car is.
They're doing CPR to someone in the middle of Victoria's Secret. Way to block the undies, damnit!
Why would you ask him if you could lick his chest?
He has a very lickable chest
So what if is hockey, you don’t turn down sex with a professional athlete. They work out all day and have amazing stamina. Your vagina will thank you!
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