is it true guys wash their penises in the sink if they think they're getting laid at a bar?
it's more of a rinse.
I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.
Unless I'm getting a singing midget telegram, I'm not going to smile
I couldnt find her vag and just started laughing uncontrollably. She was not pleased. Neither was i.
You told me you were pretty sure you were god because you knew everything about everyone.
smoking a cig and getting head on the last night of my cruise. and she doesn't mind that i'm texting you right now. this is now on my list of top 10 nights of my life.
Putting the hydrocodone in Pez dispensers. Do you want Speedy Gonzales or Darth Vader?
I really want to title the album "I want to make sex with your face" but I also want a job someday. Temptations, temptations.
Just quiet vomiting, and in between heaves she mumbled "be the pro"
Im in Ft Meyers right now looking right at an alligator. I have had a couple of beers and people are telling me not to feed him but Im gonna do it anyway.
she never specifically said NOT to fuck her boyfriend so technically we can still be best friends
We have such limited time together he literally sends me text messages that are like "I sent my roommates on an impossible quest, we have 15 minutes." it's that bad.
Last night I flashed a car full of people my tits for a bag of pretzels so yeah I'd say I was at least tipsy.
The laundromat is nothing like In the pornos
mother daughter bonding time. she's helping me make jello shots.
Randomize
