Best part is I totaly had to get into my dads car like I didn't have my pants off two minutes ago.
I just got while a charlie horse while orgasming...most confusing feeling ever...
we were walking and you spelled the word "oats" to prove you weren't drunk.
You said your face felt like it was made out out of boxes and kept asking me to give you a bath.
they have a video of him in his boxers making a snow angel in the hallway is his own vomit and coca cola.
I was just lying down, dumping goldfish into my mouth and they like all came out I thought I was going to choke and die and people would be like damn that's so sad, she died laying in bed stuffing her face and reading kanye wests twitter, damn.
The guys are trying to figure out my orientation....think theyve settled on "drunksexual"
Note to self: if you decide to go to the gym when you're coming down from your day high to shoot some hoops, do NOT play pickup basketball with the big black dudes who need a sixth
I mean with a sentence like that I knew I would be cumming
I ate shrooms on a frozen river in an ice fishing shack after a day of vics and beer and walked around on the river in a stupor. They made me bite the head off of a fish.
We can talk about your dick in my throat after a decision is made, this is my hair we're talking about. .. shit's important.
Can't be like "hey can you elaborate on this three year old tweet" can I?
...and now I welcome the sweet embrace of death.
dude, there is no doorman in your lobby and the front door is locked
oh yeah, sorry he's up here at the party. coming now
That bitch claimed that you said it was ok if she drank your vodka. Obviously she has never met you
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