it's my fault, I passed out instead of getting up to pee.
mom in a round about way told me to either donate my eggs or become a surrogate bcuz I need money.
Who the hell poured a whole pouch of Capri Sun down my throat last night?
hungover and i feel like a burrito
like eating one or like you are one?
like i am one.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I have a diplomatic trade for you. My pants for your rum. Tomorrow?
the bar didnt serve shots so jim ordered us jaeger neat. it worked.
No my first time having an orgasm with you will not be on face time
Just saw the guy I slept with last night in a bar. He gave me a high five and kept moving
I just walked out topless, stared his brother straight in the eye, and ate all the rest of their cookie dough.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't know where I keep finding these guys, but mi power bottoms es su power bottoms.
You tried to use him as a battering ram. I'm 99% certain that's why he left.
I'm bringing pajamas, aspirin, morning after clothes and morning after pill
I'm laying in bed cuddling with my teddy bear and eating waffles. I need a fucking boyfriend
I would really like it if you guys got out of my bush
You threw a beachball full of vodka at me and yelled I CHOOSE YOU then ran
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