A hot woman with candy. This is what heaven is filled with
He offered to take me out to a nice dinner but I told him I would rather he just pay for my beer this weekend
so exactly what does one wear to an abortion clinic?
someone just sent me a bong wrapped in christmas paper in the mail. signed 'santa'.
If i want her back i know all i have to do is sleep with a specific handful of her closest friends. That method is tried and true.
This drunk girl wants you to know that I do actually like you. I'm not just using you for sex. I think you're cool.
I think I won over his best friend. He was staring at my boobs all night.
I love my life sometimes. I do miss being an adult, from time to time, but a little vodka always changes my mind.
Was booty called last night and I was so blacked out that my roomie made me puke before going to "eye of the tiger." Why I'm still single is beyond me
Can you stop being a bitch and just take some Kaluha shots with me bro?!?
I was passed out in a bathroom stall. Of course im going to look like shit
It is clearly not my fault that you decided studying was more important than trying to bang our hot teacher for an A, so I seized the opportunity.
We need to feng shui this bitch.
you've already made the comitment to pee in public you should at least whip your dick out
In honor of Randy Savage we're wearing spandex and handing out slim jim's with option to suplex. Get behind it
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