I either just heard my neighbors having sex or she really agreed with whatever he was talking about.
Last night I got a napkin with 4 names & numbers: Katie, Ellen, Kylie...and Brandon.
she had a pic of herself in a bikini as the wallpaper on her iPhone... I'm sensing a Tyra banks kinda girl. shit.
i'm at a party where swedish girls are dumping laundry detergent on each other because it glows in blacklight. this is awesome
I'm returning our mountain of beer cans, while wearing a Budweiser sweatshirt. i don't look like an alcoholic.
there are two kinds of girls in this world: my mom, and sluts.
i walked outside and you were driving up the stairs to her apartment
This guy in a neck brace is ordering bottle service at the strip club. Not sure whether to applaud his commitment or scorn his addiction. It's a draw.
I've decided that my night was probably over when I started eating the penne vodka with my hands.
I understand why they say don't drink the water in Mexico... I just saw 5 guys piss upstream of where the bar tender went to get the water
This is true. I'm still having Jess write "no drugs" on my left hand and "except weed" on my right hand
last night we were hooking up when all the sudden he just murmured "mm blonde". i don't know what to think about this situation.
He said you asked to eat pepperoni off his dick and he thought it was weird
I mean I thought it sounded fun
Every time we have sex, I feel his dick ramming my soul into submission. Problem is..... I LIKE THAT SHIT!
Btw I'm playing passed out so you can get laid but obviously you need to take the offense just ask him if he wants to go to bed and leave a cigg on the counter
Randomize
