I was hooking up with him in my car, he wouldn't stop with my nipples, I had to literally beat him off of me. He kept groaning too while he was doing it. Sick.
Mommy issues
We better get laid next semester cause I prayed hard
I even walked 30 feet with my eyes closed from two love rocks so that we get some cock
last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
Why does my right nut always hang lower than my left nut?
He's either a really good actor or an actual prince, I'm fine with both so I'll sleep with him.
hey, i'm all for honesty but let's not get carried away
Dude, fuck the siberian warm up. You can't put vodka in hot chocolate. Learn from my mistakes
i'd say i'm about at weeping-uncontrollably-in-a-puddle-of-my-own-tears-and-urine level
Someone had Captain Morgan and orange juice at the same moment I lost my hangover and I just had to give it a try.
We got to his house, cuddled while watching game of thrones, then fucked during the repeat airing.
He didn't even get to the first chorus of Hotel California before he started convulsing on top of me.
It's probably not a good thing when it isn't even 6:30 and I've already drank an entire bottle of wine. By myself. I'm watching Spice World and I just bought 2 Spice Girls albums off itunes.
Make that 3 Spice Girls albums.
No one should have to go to work between Christmas and New Years, but here I am twirling in my office chair and putting Jack in my coffee like I’m back in college studying for finals.
I'm not sure of this happened or if it was just a dream... But I vividly remember you walking down the street naked?
No actually I had socks on...
You texted me a picture of some random naked guy. Did you lose your virginity?
Randomize
