I'm a simple man, with a social life most psychopaths would cringe at
She's never had brie before last night, don't know if I can date a girl that doesn't like soft cheeses.
on the brightside, the semester can only get better from getting a dui at 8 am on the first day.
your optimism is becoming unhealthy
He booked us a hotel at a resort in cancun for sprng break... I just wanted to get laid this weekend when i was blackout i didnt know it was gonna spiral into a mess of events like a 5 month in advance commitment
Mom just Facebook checked into an Applebees at 2am. Caption: ''WITH THE BESTIEZ.''
Just sponge bathed with a swissper. Thrush inevitable. Shaking.
Honestly, It follows the same rules as Cock Roulette.
The best part of my day was getting high in the parking lot of the movie theater and taking pics in the photo booth with the caption "CONGRATULATIONS!" we geeked out because it congratulated us for getting high
I wanna get freshman fucked up and do shady things on the last Friday of my youth.
I know, but the fabulousness of my baggies should not be what defines my business as a drug dealer.
If last night was a preview of 2015, I quit.
Nothing says I'm committed to you for all eternity like letting him wear crocs to the wedding
There's hope in those eyes, for a better tomorrow or more cocaine, we may never know, but there's hope.
Fun FACT Saturday: Semen is great for my acid reflux
i woke up on someones kitchen floor, and i used the gps in my phone to find my way home. im really glad you forgot about me.
Randomize
