I told her it just looked small because my balls were gigantic. She bought it.
she farted while i was going down on her. not doing that again
white shorts are a girls way of saying "im ready to fuck cuz its not my time of month"
As long as you don't die I'm in full support of your drinking decisions
Just saw a half naked, drunk, 6th grade math teacher throwing small children around to the Titanic soundtrack.
What kind of wedding is this and why wasn't I invited
Did you hear me? I HAVE THE CONTENTS OF AN NBA PLAYER'S CONDOM IN MY BEDROOM TRASHCAN!! This shit is potentially worth millions of dollars to a fertile young female who is ovulating. How do I sell it fast??
I cannot believe he got soft mid fuck. I just hope he bought that horrible impression you did of my dad. I love you though, you came in clutch tonight.
It was the least I could do after throwing up in your purse.
no joke- she just sprinkled parmesan cheese into her champagne and slurred "I just need a little snack"
Really uncomfortable with the level of eskimo brotherhood at this family reunion
How many fucks given?
0.12846
I just chased my hot mailman down the street to ask him out and now I am 98% positive he gave me a fake number.
Its really awkward pooping while on videochat. Even if you turn the video off.
You threw him in the dryer?
He went in of his own accord. Mumbled something about experiencing the blossoming of popcorn.
I'm gonna ask his dad. Weed trumps broken heart any day.
its 4am. iam sitting in the luggage car of the train eating beef jerkey. i feel like a hobo.
dont insult. no hobo is as pathetic as you.
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