So the "just a friend" kid confessed his love for me...sometimes I hate how awesome I am.
I officially lit my glove on fire while lighting the bong. Winter needs to end.
Yeah he's still asleep. I washed the blender out. He tried to make a ham-shake. Lets wait until after break to have that talk. I kind of want to see where this goes.
Covered in gravy. Never pour gravy while drinking.
It would have been the trifecta of dick for her.
You told me to remind you that the bruise on your ass is from when you danced on the table at Ziggy's, saw a cop and tried to 'fly away'.
if i ever get hit by a car or something and become paralyzed promise me youll still be here to hand feed me shots and light my bowls please
I cancelled the entertainment for your b-day party.... Keep the bouncy castle just in case.
I'm gonna hop on that dick and ride it into the sunset
Now I'm ashamed that I wore a bra
You were a for sure 10. You put on a traffic cone to meet someone.
my roommate woke me up with head. more awkward than it sounds.
Sooooooo, maybe just fucked on a motorcycle.
It’s like I’m living in some alternate wet dream universe right now
HILY FUCK HES HERE I HAVE MONISTAT IN ME HE SUPRISED ME
Randomize
