This row in front of you is like duck, duck, goose - but eating disorder, eating disorder, failed eating disorder
2 nights ago she wants to see other people, tonight she wants to have a threesome. The GOOD kind of threesome. So... win?
You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
how soon is too soon after the break-up to ask for my condoms back?
If you dont, I will tell Dad you are gay.
Fine, and I will tell him you fucked his business partner
Previous statement retracted.
We've already decided our costumes for next Halloween. She's going as Cookie Monster and I'm going as Elmo. She's just going to ask for Oatmeal Cookie shots, and I'm asking for Red-Headed Slut shots.
Dude, its January.
We're going to do the voices too.
In need of cum proof mascara. Don't judge me.
ya i guess you have to take things with a grain of salt in a place where nipple clamps are the norm..
It feels like one of my ribs evaporated.
If anyone wants to ring in the new year with gluttony and yoga pants, let me know. As soon as it becomes a socially acceptable hour to drink margaritas, I'm gonna go down on a chimichanga.
i knew as soon as i met you that i was gonna be the designated driver
Welcome to my Tuesday when my lesbian ex girlfriend shows up unexpectedly and gets me drunk and then leaves
I left him naked in his bed. I did cover his junk with a blanket in case his roommate walked in later though. so I don't feel as bad about it.
You know what i hate? I hate when the ppl you drunkenly made out with actually want to talk to you sober. It just doesn't work that way sir.
he ended the message XOXO, who the fuck does he think he is GossipGirl.
Randomize
