I have no voice and feel like lukewarm beer.
first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
im like that movie w. ryan reynolds, no ones ever going to date me unless they're forced to marry me.
its not facebook stalking, its market reasearch
Just shot my load on a stink bug. Thought you should know.
Sometimes to bang a cougar u gotta play wii With her kids
I don't know how it happened, one minute we were talking about Huck Finn, the next minute I was blowing him behind the corner of his apartment building.
Two bottles of champagne and half a pizza later, I'm crying myself to tears watching The Nanny. Happy finals week.
if there weren't so many witnesses I 100% wouldve punted that squirrel
Dont worry about getting me anything... Just put a bow on your ass.
Deal.
Anxiously awaiting my period drinking Hershey's syrup from the bottle. Don't judge me
He is full of southern hospitality and I want to be full of him.
Power lunch with dad, pain pills and tequila shots. Dad does Monday hard.
With my son watching me, I pulled down my pants and shit in her trash can.
Seriously though, I walked in and he was holding my cat in the air singing "the circle of life"...
Randomize
