this isnt the person you just texted but i have her phone. she disappeared when the bacon came home and she hasn't returned since.
on the way to the hospital you kept asking if we could stop at the bar first. then you proceeded to puke out the window
KETAMINE SUNDAYS ARE SERIOUSLY FUCKING ME UP!
Apparently campus cops frown on lighting a joint off of the eternal flame on Jerry Falwell's grave...
FYI...Jose likes Shamrock shakes better than Jack
Just remember my house smells of thick cut bacon and I have a big dick.
My pants are like a grocery bag containing ONLY jelly beans right now.
I walked in on him fucking my best friend. I think we've reached the point of following each other on twitter.
I sent him a tit pic with the caption, "Mt. Arie and Mt. Hola are ready for expedition." Too nerdy?
I had jack at 8 am= instant drunk
So I'm getting really old. I feel asleep for a booty call that I initiated. The struggle is real.
I just remember banging him and then at some point I went and took a shower and went and laid in the closet
Now go get drunk with your fam and get back into ur christmas groove. No time for gonnorhea
I just used an Amazon gift card from a student to order a new vibrator....teacher of the year
Got my period and a UTI on the same day. Fuck you, Sunday.
Randomize
