omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
you definitely have a few illegitimate kids
probs. Not too worried about it though. MOst girls are too embarrassed that they let me into their pants that they'll never admit its mine
Ask me how many people I've slept with. Because its changed since I last saw you.
I saw you 20 MINUTES AGO. You need to stop this.
Those former-lesbian gone white-trash bars always seem to be your favorite.
I literally have a bandage on my dick that's how bad she is at handjobs
So ive come to the realization that my affinity for tattooed guys makes me the literal definition of tit for tat
I think he's like 40 and maybe a little sociopathetic and i have never been so turned on
Another text to add to the intervention pile, i see
All I know is I was bleeding, she was bleeding, we stole someone's Lucky Charms, and then I made you guys order a pizza
You'll be happy to know that the bruise is gone from my cock
Question: When you have the names of 4 guys tattoo'd on you, how do you make the 5th one real special?
Atleast we had sex on the couch before your ex took it from you
I forgot to respond before, I was apologizing for confusing sex with secret Santa.
You literally brought me back to life and then fucked it out of me
Jesus christos I come home and am treated like my vagina is made of gold
Either that or it dispenses candy
It's starting to get sad how I have this 'new beginning' feeling after every negative pregnancy test
Randomize
