STOP SENDING ME DANCING JESUS FORWARDS.
you handled that situation with as much grace as someone puking involuntarily could
So i closed my laptop as i started to fall off my bed and then i caught myself and realized that moment of catching myself is the difference between tuesday and friday.
Either I'm losing my touch or ED is running rampant in 20 something men now
Omg. One night stands are not supposed to show up to your swim class the morning after. Worst lesson ever.
Where would I incorporate "your boyfriend fucked the shit out of me last night" before or after Merry Christmas bitch?
I'll be so proud. Like a proud mama bear freeing my slut cub into the wild.
You kept yelling in my face " YOU'RE GONNA HAVE TO SUCK A DICK TONIGHT!"
Just walked past the field playing Jesus music with a fanny pack full of condoms and beer. Happy Sunday.
Girl, he's like catnip for my pussy.
I woke up in a cornfield to shouting, a bottle of Jim Beam, and a bunch of mc muffins. If this doesn't scream Illinois, idk what does.
I hate who I am becoming
I think of it as growth but I also hate who I am becoming as well
please don't forget about the bread in the toilet i am absolutely not dealing with that
We're in an alley with a psychic wizard, shes reading our palms
And he put his penis in my face and I back handed it away.
Randomize
