Stop. You don't mean that. Tequila might mean that. But you don't mean that.
Since when does a beard not count as proof of age at the liquor store?
You totally drew a penis wizard on my closet that says "I travel for cock rock"
On the couch having a debate with the dog over whether eating anothr sweet roll will make the hangover better or worse
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I've crashed the car, it's a write off. The police are here and I'm dressesd as a crayon.
who has that picture of us looking like alcoholics at the zoo?
Or I could just give you a blow job and make it up to you.
No, that's okay. Don't worry about it.
Going once.....twice.........sold to the girl who didn't really wanna do it anyway.
You were in your third change of clothes, and I found you in my driveway passed out with my dog's food bowl. You win.
It's ok, I may have just peed outside your car and used your whataburger napkins. Hope you weren't saving them for a special occasion.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My roommate was being an ass so I put everyone's drinks/shots on his tab for the entire night. Then when we left he was telling me how he got out cheaper than last time.
How much do souls cost? I feel like I need one if those.
You told me you were with a dog dressed as a taco, and it was the only one you trusted
Really this has to stop, if they get any younger we will be breaking the law
He's petting your head, we need to leave now.
Just boned her on my desk. on top of my term paper. take that professor dipshit
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