My carpet still smells like piss and I THINK YOU KNOW WHY.
she has a miserable personality but its a good think you dont have sex with that
pussy has no personality
Amen to that
the lady at Walgreens winked at me when i asked where the cherry chapstick was... damn u katy perry!
i love that we sang a whole new world together while you carried me through campus
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
I pulled out moves I did not even know I possessed, our fucking de-throned gods
Stalker pic that shit
He left, I think he got uncomfortable when I started singing 'oompah oompah doodley do, I have a special riddle for you'
How long have I been using my debit card as a coaster?
Adding to the list of things I have said out loud at the bar that I shouldn't have: "I am the yoda of sucking dick"
Wound up hungover. Visiting 4 y/o nephew suggested cookies and milk and playing Kirby with him with the sound down. This kid is going places.
We should probably start extreme couponing for the morning after pill.
Wait, cocaine is okay but tanning isn't?
I think you're overestimating how drunk I was
You said your pillow felt like the ocean...
I miss my innocence.
I miss being able to say, "I've never done this before."
The cop was standing next to me when I texted "haha" to your phone...didn't realize that he had taken it already...
Randomize
