There's a woman at Starbucks that keeps pushing her stroller into me.
Punch her baby.
If i see another girl turn you down you should either turn gay or just kill yourself
I just caught myself dancing like an old lady in the shower. Have I reached the age where booty dancing stops and swaying of the upper body begins?
Dude, I had to masturbate just to stay warm. Please pay the gas bill?
I think this breakup is Gods way of telling me I deserve a bigger dick
If you're wondering about the pepper everywhere its for the ants and it was my doings. They hate pepper. You're welcome.
I really hope the fuck ferry pays me a visit to close out 2011 properly.
I just yelled at a bunch of girl scouts for yelling "cookies" to loudly. That hungover
and ive been naked for the greater part of the evening. alone, drunk, and naked. i think that is how all great interventions start.
Being drunk with magicians is fucking mind blowing. This Asian guy just made a platypus appear and disappear. This is not a drill.
He is so pussy whipped she has made him change his name to Toby
I don't need no damn man when I have the cock-a-nator 2000.
Please tell your friend to stop shitting in my closet.
This is a hangover from hell. Delivered by the devil himself.
We went to the midnight donut shop and you hopped the counter and told everyone to "Get the Fuck out of your Bar" but to also "Make yourselves at home".
Randomize
