I specifically asked you not to be slutty tonight.
I had a talk with my mom about respecting myself and not acting like a whore so she will rip my nose ring out if she somehow sees that picture
this will be a night to untag.
i was way too optimistic last night... got back to my apartment and the porch light was still on, like i'd actually make it all the way home.
i showed up sober to class for the first time. my prof said that i was "off my game today". i love philosophy
So it turns out that my mom and her dad used to hook up when they were our age
Never been so glad that I look so much like my dad that there's no question as to my paternity
I just want to have normal problems like what kind of puppy to get, or should I pay a hooker to fuck Scott, or even a dilemma about fucking Twizzlers. I don't know.
We were at dinner and dad asked me to pass the salt and I suddenly remembered doing body shots when I was blacked out last weekend.
you made a mix containing mostly whiskey. then you took a sip, gagged and yelled "perfect!"
He fell into the beer pong table and broke it. Then he threatened to throw the toliet at us if we didn't let him keep playing
I just fixed my mom's tv over the phone in 2.17 minutes while high. I'm a fucking professional.
Marrying her is the worst scenario of any. That includes death and zombies.
Just because your drunk doesn't mean you can stick your dick in the snow. Just a FYI
I’m home.
I’m aware. I just dropped you off.
Then you screamed in her face to shut up about thick thighs saving lives because actually they can suffocate people during oral sex
Drunk me is very safety conscious And apparently just as annoyed by her as sober me
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