You don't get off work for this? I feel genuinely bad for you.
I'll have a beer when I get into the office. Yes, I hide beer in my work frige.
Do I give off a "I have a sex tape" vibe???
My BOSS just pulled out a box of Christmas stuff labeled reefs.
i'm thankful for my girlfriend's hot cousins....god, i love her family parties.
i need you to babysit me first week back at school. havent had tequila, adderal, or sex w randoms in 3 months
i just remebered that we smoked out my hamster yesterday...
i hope hes still alive. i just remember you give him a shit load of cereal and saying "trust me your going to need it"
But then he started to talk about his wedding he wants and I quote " and yes parts will be choreographed"
I woke up with a fake mustache stuck to my chest and I can't even hold down water.
The hot guy sitting next to me in the lib is reading a book called "Impersonal sex in public places." How wrong would it be to give him my number when I bounce?
She asked for her virginity back. I don't know what to say
Got my parents to pick me up from the party, take me to the bar and buy all my drinks, then drop me off at my booty calls house.
Thats why you dont have a "jubilant gunfire celebration"
having flashbacks of licking salt of your dick for my shot of tequila
Sitting on the toilet ... Eatin pizza with one hand, petting my cat with the other. I love a sad drunken life
i feel like ive seen the light, but not in the nasty christian way. thats gross. say no to jesus, kids
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