we'll penetrate his innocence with our dicks
I'm gonna answer everything she says with 'cum on da face' until she breaks up with me...great idea or greatest idea?
today he pulled me aside to show me a lawn mower that he drew above his pubes. I saw his pubes in all their glory. Right there. In spanish class. Hola.
I'm way too horny to be at work right now. I think it might be legally irresponsible to leave me alone with cucumbers.
Remember that crazy chick I've been ignoring and said I wouldn't bang her again? Can we start that again part today?
I really wish I had added "blowjob on a slide at a playground" to my bucket list before last night.
I think I sprained my soul last night
corona bottle fell out of my backpack and broke in the middle of my physics midterm. yay me.
We broke up in downtown Nashville with drunken, blow up penis waving bachelorette parties walking by. For some reason I can see this ending up as a country music video.
Found a phone out last night at the bar. EPIC homemade porn vids on it!
Thanks to that wedding, I got to use the term "finger bang" more than I have since high school.
It's been two dates and she just invited me to her aunts funeral. I can't even. Who the fuck does that? I need to drink I'm coming to get you in 5
He walked around my apt complex completely naked and started peeing in the maintenance because he thought it was the bathroom. So yeah, pretty drunk.
Sitting in a waiting room with 15 children has me contemplating if I ever want to have sex again...
While he was fucking me, he just stopped and said, "Mike says Hi." Then proceeded to fuck me.
What did you do?
What do you say to that!? But, when I came, I screamed out my full name.
Randomize
