did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
It was just so hard to get through Conan without crying like a baby. I'm just so proud of him.
you should just get pregnant. that way you don't need to decide on a career.
it always starts out as a suggestion then three hours later I have cum in my eye.
nothing i could have done in life could have prepared me for walking in on her SHITTING on my rug.
Needless to say there is no second date for this girl.
yet...
It was her first time with a girl so I put on my tegan and Sara playlist to really get the full experience.
We thought you were crowd-surfing until we realized it was the bouncers throwing you out
I'm genuinely dissapointed that we didn't make any fat chicks cry
Hah, I lost the lenses in my glasses, didn't event notice til this morning... How was the meeting?
Come over, I want to eat cookie dough off your dick.
Sometimes things go your way and sometimes you get hit on by a fat drunk girl.
I'm at a bar. It's body paint Wednesday. All of the waitresses are topless. Help me
They only searched every other person. But I sacrificed myself to get our vodka across the border
I'm gonna have to shit in a bar again tonight
I am still worried she'll have a seizure durring. What would I do? Try to ride it out and finish, or pull out and assist?
Randomize
