my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
i felt like the dude nobody likes from the mikes hard lemonade commercial
dear sober me, don't br the first to open the fridge in the morning
Sunburnt clitoris. How do I deal with it.
Snuck into a camper in someone's yard. Hotboxing. Can't wait until they go in it.
Lil wasted at a baby shower. Here's to beating teen pregnancy BOTTOMS UP
I didn't hate myself when I woke up today, that's improvement right?
You should photoshop their heads on tigers first!!
For my parents' annivery card? How high are you?
we came into the house to find you doing shots by your self and when we told you to stop you locked yourself in the bathroom...
did I at least say anything...
you meowed at us and said you're a cat and cats drink for a living
His dad gives me dirty looks whenever I come over though. I think it's because I eat his food and have sex with his son.
Good night I hope you dream about knitting and threesomes
If you send me another picture of a donut on your penis while I'm at work, I may have to slap you With the donut.
How proud should I be that I googled "dildo with wheels" and actually got the result I wanted?
Just sold my panties for 40 bucks to some rando dude at the gay bar. I think I found a way to fund next years spring break trip. Hello cancun!
There's wax on my nightstand, my sheets look like Christmas, and my vagina feels like it got into a fight. All signs of a good night
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