I got us kicked out of the bar because the waitress found me in the kitchen trying to make spaghetti
I just gift wrapped bread.
the table of underagers at this wedding were seated 10ft from the open bar. currently 30 open containers on the table for 5 people. dinner hasn't even been served yet.
I just found a pubic hair on my dick that wasn't mine.
I'm gonna wear that dress that makes me look like a slut. You know, the one your sister got arrested in.
Just invented taco cereal.
Definitely sounds like it's time for some eggs with a side of strap on
I'm dealing with this like an adult, cupcakes and beer.
Dan I was a mess I made out with a 40 yr old who gave me a wad of cash for Christmas. Like wtf
Thought about it. I'm gonna go to work, but I'm gonna tell them I wrestled a bear saying I fell just isn't working.
They asked me my level of pain at the hospital and I told them I called my ex 6 times
I'm fucking my way through California and it's kind of fun.
It was get out of line and go pee and get no beef briskit. Or stay in line, pee my pants, but have beef briskit. I really wanted my beef briskit
Is it sad that my idea of a quality foursome would involve one person eating me out while the other two rub my feet?
condom fairy costume came in handy...we were making out in my living room and he wanted it so i took a condom off the costume and we did it right there...with my tutu still on....
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