Hey, could you leave the door unlocked? Keys seem hard right now.
I'm starving. my midnight snack, aka a teaspoon of cum, isn't holding me over
You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
I managed to lose everything but my socks.. which stayed on all 6 times we had sex.
Oh shit. There are penis maracas
I don't think I have but I might've died. If I have then come get me, I'm in the flower bed. And still game.
last night we stole an a/c window unit from a frat. gonna be a great summer
You called me and said "Aidan's unconscious" to which he said "I'm conscious, I'm conscious pilot"
He was filled with the holy spirit. And vodka.
official rule: if your drunk, it doesn't count
then nothing in my life counts
Sometimes I feel like I should become a beautician purely for my ability to shave pretty shapes into my pubic hair.
There are five fire trucks here and needless to say my booty call left so come back home whenever you like
Well I woke up and my arm was bleeding. And my blood is on the wall in the hallway.
Umm
No idea. I blame fireball.
Valid.
Sorry for peeing on you and your bed last night.
soo... how was my night?
I came home in someone else's underwear this morning
Atleast you got a souvenir
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