She said she could kiss it, just not put it in her mouth. Because that would be cheating..
Dude I was fucking my girl on the couch and her dog came up and licked my balls. Does that mean we just had a threesome?
Dude. My sister is off limits. Touch her again and I'll rip off your dick and force feed it to you.
I accept this challenge.
Oh my god, I hid a wine bottle in my boot.
i don't know what happened by from the looks of her lipstick I'd say she was skull fucked by a rhino
You'd think somebody who rolls blunts like jesus himself could roll a god damn burrito
AT THIS RATE YOU WILL HAVE FUCKED MORE OF MY CLOSE FRIENDS THAN I HAVE PEOPLE PERIOD BY VALENTINE'S DAY.
Does it qualify as sexting if you're both pretending to be fictional characters?
I'm not sure whether to be proud of you or weirded out.
Actually I more feel like I'm on a ship about to grab the holy grail off an island
The ship is me being high the holy grail is some profound idea I'm about to have
I wish I was there to have sex with you on the plane to lessen your anxiety.
That's the nicest thing anyone has over said to you.
If I do nothing else today, the fact that I talked you into this is achievement in itself.
Our relationship needs a sober moment
I'll call you when that happens
Tonight I celebrated marriage equality by letting a girl I don't know kiss me at the club.
I just found your shirt hanging in a tree 4 blocks from the party...in the opposite direction of your house. where are you going?
Someone sitting next to me at this football game is totally eating chicken nuggets out of his pocket and drinking four loko. I wanna be him.
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