Farted during a conference call.SBD. permeated the room people were gonna puke.noone could say anything or leave cus we were on the phone with clients. coworkers were outraged.how I still have a job is beyond me.
I gave my ex the dutch oven last night. How was your night?
I think the world might be a better place if everyone was capable of having open relationships.
today is the best snowday of my entire life. also its no shirt day.
Its like I instantly had a mental image of me in my mugshot.
He told me he breastfed 'til he was six. That explains the obsession with me getting fake tits. Is it a red flag?
S.O.S. he's talking about horses and breast feeding.
For my birthday I want you to get me in bed with Donald Trump. That is all. You have 3 months
Do you remember telling our cab driver you were going to fuck a penguin?
I just spent 3 hours in the back of an unmarked police cruiser. Best. Date. Ever.
I feel like that xmas present negates everything we were taught as little girls. Putting out DOES pay. God bless us everyone
I volunteer to be the person who breaks into the room and runs around naked and has to be escorted out by police.
my comprehension of H.D. Thoreau really dives after 8 beers.....
It will astound me if they ever let you graduate.
YOU WAXED MY CAT YOU SICK FUCK
i just turned on my printer and found 10 pounds of german chocolate inside. i think i found where you hid your candy last night
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