I'm gonna have a badass scar
90% of the problems in your life are directly related to your vagina
I don't understand why everytime I fuck his bestfriend he seems more interested in me...
i came home at 4 a.m. and made a dozen eggs and three lbs. of bacon. my mom woke up and the only thing she was pissed about was that i used the whole carton of eggs, but then she sat down and ate with me
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you're a mystery wrapped in an enigma. wrapped inside a burrito.
He pulled the washer 5 feet out from the wall screaming about quarters
I put bits of fruit cocktail in the jello shots i made because i knew that they were gonna be the only thing we ate all day
drove into oncoming traffic. add a minute to my ETA
I ate 12 cupcakes in less than 24 hours, so no judgement here.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hangover or death. Death. I'll have a slice of death please.
I just karate chopped a humming bird out of mid air. It came at my face while I was out side smoking. Scared the shit out of me. My ninja skills just took over. Haha. I mean really at that point it was me or him.
Part of me really wants this picture, but the other part of me knows if he is really this drunk, he could be sodomizing a lamp and not know it
I need a costume
Dude just wear a bra or something hahaha
you're the only girl i know who can be too sick to walk to the kitchen and still have enough game to receive multiple orgasms
If there's one thing I think I could really excel it, it's curating a midlife crisis
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