fml, blew my nose and red sprinkles came out and did the splits when i sneezed
pretty sure that I broke my nose during sexting. Life is grand.
there r dinosaurs outside my house i hear them
pretty sure those are just snow plows....go back to bed
Yea. But u kept saying "as long as she doesn't have aids" so I was concerned
I made $300 today by selling pizza @ $4 a slice to nerds who refuse to leave the library. God I love finals time
can you explain how you are here for one night and now my kitchen table is in 11 pieces..
Found out that it IS actually possible to get road head from somebody in the back seat
We mailed him an 18 inch double headed dildo for his birthday. The Fedex guys certainly got a laugh out of it.
The inside of my nose has felt like the guy's face falling off from raiders of the lost ark all week
Yesterday you said I was the best.
No. I said you DID your best. There's a huge difference.
He offered me my choice of the Abe Lincoln or Ben Franklin dick pic.
Sooo I ended up ugly crying at the drive thru window at 10 pm last night....how was your valentine's day?
Well what did you order
YOU SLEPT WITH A GUY WHO HAS A BILLBOARD IN HIS HONOR?
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
We kept having to tell you that you couldn't just sit wherever you wanted at Walmart. Sitting in the middle of the raw meat section was unacceptable and children were staring at you.
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