we had sex three times last night.. but now im just wet from him crying on my stomach about how much he misses his ex.. awesome
i only understood the part that said mucho orgasmos
if you're passed out when i get there i get to wear your banana costume and do awful things to you
tell that swedish kid i didnt take his shotgun. he GAVE it to me.
Seriously why is the deadbolt locked. This is the second time I'm having to sleep on the porch using my boots as my pillow. I can't wait till the next time your drunk.
Shhh, I'm sleeping. Just let it happen Jess.
please hold off on going into labor, i might need you to take me to the free clinic
This is your monthly public service announcement that sexual services will temporarily cease from Wednesday night to Monday. Please plan accordingly and have a nice day =D
You think posting ushers "let it burn" video on his fb page is in bad taste? haha
Priorities: waking up on your doorstep desperately clutching half a meatball marinara but with no sign of your keys, purse or housemate. Where are you?!
Denial and avoidance are my survival strategies for 2013.
Denial, avoidance and beer.
I was peeing in the bathroom at this house party when a guy just casually stumbles out of the shower
ever had the feeling "I've been drunk in this bathroom before?" Like De ja drunk?
You ever just SEE a guy and know he's good at choking someone out?
It's 3 am.
No no. Thank you. Killed multiple birds with one penis.
It seems that I didn’t convey clearly enough how well and truly fucked we are, Jack. Listen to me very closely: we are DEAD.
Randomize
