pshh wine cellars. now if he has a tequila cellar whole different story
it hurts more in the daytime
He told me to fart on his lap because the vibrations turned him on
i just got offered coke by a strung out pilot. my night just got a lot more interesting.
she might purposely get aids just to give it to you. I think she might hate you that much.
OMG HAIR ON HIS DICK. HAIR ON HIS DICK AS IN GROWING OUT OF HIS DICK. HAIR.
oh sorry. I thought "boat" was code for "penis"
Yes, he did use his cock to direct traffic from my 3rd story window. That's why I love him
She insisted on cleaning her room in the dark. 5 minutes in, she forgot what she was doing and started putting shirts on instead of hanging them up.
He used the panoramic camera on his iPhone to take a picture of his dick. And it actually filled it. Pretty sure I just came.
Use "feeling words"
Yay
DOMA is dead. I'm definitely going to be the last of our friends to get married now.
I feel as though I look like a mom with a substance abuse problem
Now swiping left on 23-year-olds with abs. Is this adulting?
You cannot ask her to resend the picture of her genital tattoo to you just so you can show your room mate. it is time to end your relationship with the Captain.
Randomize
