Id settle for living inside the pirates of the carribean ride.
threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
that's like riding a pigeon when you could fuck a bald eagle
Sign #1 that I'm not ready to be a mother: I'm shopping for "maternity fishnets".
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She's making tacos & sangria tonight. I'm sure that's how the pilgrims pregamed.
Omg it was awesome. At one point she says "cum in me, I'm too old to get pregnant".
I sent him a picture of my boobs instead of saying good morning. I'm trying to tell him how I feel in a language he'll understand.
Woke up behind one of the fraternity brothers houses in the grass wearing a guinness hat and aviators hugging a 30 rack box with a zonie on my chest next to a campfire.
I'm a bit offended I got no nudies back but it's whatever
They're in the mail. Snapchats too fast. I want the suspense.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's amazing where one well timed dick pic can get you in life.
Tell me why I woke up outside of our hotel room Wearing a cowboy hat and boots in Las Vegas.
Recliner chair sex has moments of worry....just don't.
i let a mormon finger me. i don't ever want to be that drunk again.
Our baby is creepy.
That's how we know it's ours. haha
Is there a sexuality term for 'only wants hatefucks'?
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