Hey man sorry I got all grabby
I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
i told the doctor i drank a college amount of alcohol. judgemental prick
Just look for the house with the beer knights.
she's throwing a head of lettuce everywhere shouting HEADS UP and trying to get us to play catch with her. i'm scared.
I always forget that visiting my hometown is like a who's who of ugly people.
Don't get me wrong, I love talking about lube and such, but why are we?
Everyone else in class agrees the weed smell is coming from me
Yeah I went home with her... She had me take off everything but my shirt and from across the room goes, "Now dance. Just dance that dick over here"
He'd rather cuddle with his shitty little miniature dog than the half naked girl in his bed. I've lost all hope for him and my vagina
He stopped in the middle of us fucking so he could turn on lithuanian techno music. And the sad thing is that it was the best sex of my life.
My ex just brought my grandpa weed. Not sure how I feel about this.
So bottomless mimosas = me waking up in a truck bed in a random neighborhood with no purse or phone or idea how I got there.
Why did I wake up with a skeleton in my bed? Is it from the lab?
Oh crap, that's where it ended up. Yeah, don't ask.
can jess come too?
sure! but I don't have enough booze for the both of you.
she comes with her own booze, no worries.
Randomize
