I told him I'm not paying rent anymore because he's seen my boobs.
Her gag reflex was as absent as a father figure must have been in her childhood
after he gave me a diploma for giving him amazing head, getting a regular diploma isnt all that cool.
I need to move out. I just walk of shamed my way into a family breakfast party. There's no response when grandma says "where you coming from in heels at 9AM?"
I just had to give myself a pep talk to stop lying on my floor. Literally too hung over to function
Going stoned out of mind to my sociology exam because it's really just a pizza party. I love community college.
It's all fun and games until your AARP eligible neighbors end up blacking out in your yard at 5pm with a box of franzia. I'm feeling a great year ahead
So this is completely apropos of nothing, but I have a feeling that a friend of mine might be a good match for you. Can I set you two up on a date? Oh, and it seems that we live a block away from each other and aren't having sexy times. This is ridiculous. By the way, there's a chance that I might be a tad drunk. Still though, there's a very *good* chance that you and Mr. X would get along.
Last night I dreamed that I got eaten out by Lego Harry Potter.
WE HAD GREAT SEX AND I HATE MYSELF FOR IT
You need to finger her with the Spock hand sign since she loves Star Trek.
Side Note: Everyone in my office is getting engaged and having baby showers. And I'm all like, fuck your joy, I just want more string cheese in my life.
Come eat Chinese buffet and watch us trip on acid. It'll be fun.
I love you. You know I enjoy the constant sex noises
I've run into almost every guy I've ever slept with today. It's like they know just how horny I am.
Randomize
