where are you
in your bedroom
how did you get in
your wife…
WTF
So how Liz Lemon is this? I bring a boy home, we get in bed, and I realize there's a lean pocket wrapper in the sheets.
i told my grandma i broke up with my boyfriend. her reply " you need to play the field more anyway"
sometimes i look at this picture of your cock before i go to sleep, there's something comforting about it
Dude you need to stop whoring out my boobs. They are for emergencies only.
she left out the fact that she had a kid until she told me not to suck on her tits too hard or milk would come out.
You should have been there. We got drunk and threw a sword through his windshield.
She thinks she's a fairy, dude. A real fucking fairy with wings and shit.
I was walking around outside with a basket of eggs. I feel like little house on the prairie: hungover edition.
Finding a keg in our kitchen would be like god personally high fiving each of us.
My parents called me out on catching us walking home from the bar in a swimming motion because "it was too windy to walk" home...
He just said his penis sings like Mariah Carey...Im going with drunken.
Why'd you print out every dick pic you've ever received and tape them to the bathroom walls?
My booty call is in the theater watching Deadpool right now. Never though comics would work against me.
I would give away three of my own ribs to be able to eat myself out.
...ew
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