can you sing with all the voices of the mountain? can you paint with al the colors of the windddd
wasted?
im pocohantasssss
why cant girls ever use the fly? why do they always have to awkwardly try to pull it over your belt?
You dont ever try to use your dick as a power washer to get bits of poop of the toilet bowl?
He was so drunk that he tried to backflip off a baby chair.. How do you think that ended?
considering i was high when my dad made me pee in the cup i might fail this one
Come on. It's already happy hour in Europe...Man up. "I'm at work" and "it's a tuesday" are not valid excuses.
Don't forget: you only show your tits for the good beads. Be judicious.
Math equation of the day: 4 waffles + 1 bowl of weed = 1 terrific nap
There's cereal in my underwear. Was I in your apartment at any time last night? That's the only logical explanation for this.
I mean it's like...I'm sorry I slept with your boyfriend but is it my fault that he failed to mention you when I was giving him head in the Dave and Busters bathroom?
There is so much wrong with that sentence
Yeah there really shouldn't be a bar at D&B's...shit gets real
He was jealous of me and threatened by me. I'm like, just cause I could fuck your girlfriend doesn't mean I'm going to
She's not even my type. She doesn't have a penis or a drug problem
just when his roommates walked in, we were naked in the kitchen. proceeded to awkwardly pretzel walk back into his room to cover each other (not that they haven't seen me naked plenty of times) and continue to have glorious morning sex. his roomates love me.
mom how many of the songs from my childhood are mexican drinking songs?
all of them.
That's MADAM THUNDERCUNT to you
Checked my bank account this morning...apparently I went to 7-11 at 4am and spent $22 on taquitos. New all time low for me.
I ate all of them. New all time low for ME.
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