You put a nerf gun to his head and demanded him to take you to taco bell..
Everytime the frat boy touches his bro's ass after making a cup take a drink
Me focusing on not shitting my pants is keeping me awake.
You know what I'm hearing? Blah, blah, blah, I have pneumonia, blah, blah, blah, I'm a quitter. COME OVER AND PUT YOUR PENIS INSIDE ME.
There are eight sets of guys I've made out with who have the same name. It's like noah's ark in my mouth.
She ran over a curb, took out a yard-sale sign and hit a fence before admitting to me that she may be losing her vision "a bit". Never letting grandma drive again.
btw I told him that the only way he was gonna get to eat you out was if he smothered your vag with grits..
So what kind of fun pills do we have for the amusement park tomorrow?
Like I'm literally drinking whiskey and making a stocking for my cat right now. What. Goes. On.
Well, he asked what my sign was, then proceeded to critique me on my beer pong stance... I really need to raise my standards.
My fridge door just caught on fire somehow.
We were fucking in the boat on the lake when another boat saw us and honked their appreciation.
So if my boyfriend and I hooked up with the same girl it’s not like I cheated. It’s communal.
Can u pick up some lemons on the way? I have Tequila and a sore throat..I need them for both
Am i obligated to tell my sister her girlfriend was my one night stand three months ago?
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