I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
he kept looking at my chin until i asked why, then he just said he was making sure his balls didnt leave a mark.
there is a homeless man oan crack poledancing on a fence... now hes humping it...
I don't care if he acts like a don't exist 6 days a week. On the 7th day he makes makes my vagina cry. In a good way. Jesus understands.
Just passed a Taco Bell Taco Supreme, still in its wrapper, laying in the grass. I'd like a moment of silence.
May it rest in peace.
he said I could live with him because I'm cheaper than a dog and don't need a pet deposit. That and I don't piss on the carpet...
Good idea. You gotta take care of your vagina. She takes care of you. Pay it forward.
If I had cancer, and got to make a wish, id make the organization force your dad to fuck me.
You know you gotta reevaluate your life when the first thought that comes to mind after you wake up is 'at least I'm still alive'
New low. I just threw up in the shower at 4pm. Nothing like leaving behind my 20s with class.
I'm currently deliberating if I'm going to be too drunk on New Years to handle wearing false eyelashes.
Okay, this next statement may sound like a red flag but I'm tellin you, shotgunning those two beers really helped me love my child more effectively. Honest.
Forget about letting a 70-year-old man suck on my tits for coke... telling my new boyfriend about it was the poor life choice.
Okay. Did I say I did anything unusual? Because I usually do weird stuff. Did I clean mirrors? My mirrors are really clean, and I think I remember having windex..
I got confused. The music was loud, porn was playing, people were grinding, there were hand jobs.
Randomize
