All I'm saying, is that being compared to a Muppet is not the end of the world.
call of duty 2 was the straight man's twilight
I'm having sex on a snuggie, yes i stopped to text you
She just got in car wreck. Wreck sex is better than break up sex
throwing up in the shower isnt as glamorous as i expected
since when the fuck is that glamorous?
He went bowling in his bathroom.. And shattered the toilet.
Do what? I was just saying that at some point there's a chance I'll have a boner. Think of it like a guessing game. "Does he have one now?"
Oh I love our desires, it's riding my bike at 2 AM with a massive erection that I dislike.
Most senic walk of shame ever. This is why you go to school in Hawaii.
You're not talking any sense into me. You're cheering me on to disaster.
... is that not half the reason I'm your best friend in the first place?
Should I tell him how he got the bruise on his ass or just enjoy his theories?
I'd climb him like a horny MILF spider monkey.
Saw your dad at the bar last night... And again this morning when he left. Told you not to mess with me bitch.
My boobs weigh the same amount as 25 pancakes
I woke up to pee last night, got out of bed and proceeded to stand there because I had no idea where I was. Then, I heard my sexy as fuck personal trainers voice. Well-played blacked out me.
Randomize
