hey babe. i'll pick you up in my mom's car. with my mom. she has nothing to do tonight.
What do you say about some mid-afternoon anal?
I woke up this morning really drunk with my Christmas lights on and two owls in my bed.
I think need to divide my DVD collection into "movies I've seen" and "movies I've only seen during sex"
We FINALLY fucked. I swear that's the longest I've ever held out for
Umm you met him three days ago....
I said what I said
I'm going to email her once I get off the bathroom floor
She's the perfect storm when it comes to psycho stalkers
Let's just go topless and paint glitter over our nipples who the fuck cares
I walked home with an awkward asain couple. There was a language barrier but I think we're friends now.
Did you get any last night. I need to track my forever aloneness
I can officially say I had a blunt rolled on my ass
WHAT KIND OF SELF RESPECTING 28 YEAR OLD WOMAN WAKES UP IN A FRAT HOUSE?!?'
The cougar kind?
Did I really make a PSA to that garage party that you wanted to bang him?
You gave a whole fucking speech. It was inspiring.
I'm not gonna ask the guy I've fucked like 3 times if he is insecure about his eyebrows.
We walked into the RA's room and he said "is that alcohol" and I screamed "IT'S WATER" and ran out and Vanessa slammed the door and started making out with him.
Randomize
