I want your puppy
I meant pussy
I would rather you take my puppy
she was giving me head and that cheryl crow 'youre favorite mistake' song came on. she looks up and all i could do was nod
Oh and I found some acid for the drive back to school, productive day
We should reintroduce naked Mondays
On the back of that comment, I've formed a theory that as a result of my brainwashing your drunk self actually believes that beards are your calling.
I did the crab walk everywhere because I was drunk enough that it was easier than standing up.
I told her the job opening requires being on the phone during the week and on my face on the weekends. I think she wants the job.
It's national boyfriend day supposedly, would it be appropriate if I posted a picture of my dildo?
I tried snowmobiling at 2 am. I broke my glasses. You're right. Things do get out of control.
Did I really just send a work email with cum instead of come? feck me
Take your time. I'm mowing the lawn. In the dark. Drunk.
Lol he touched my butt after his grad party and a shooting star went by. No kidding. My ass is mystical.
He got up in the middle of the show and returned with this massive ham shank, then offered me some by asking "wanna suckle on my hog." Should I be offended?
MANIFESTATION IS REAL AND IM GETTING LAID TONIGHT
hurry up. it's a friday night and i'm drinking in my office by myself. wearing a stewie griffin costume. the cleaning lady is judging me.
Randomize
