And this is weird.. I feel slightly less depressed after shitting myself.
You were so drunk that you were trying to take pictures of a MILF at the park so you could send them to Adam, but you didn't want to "seem creepy," so you used taking pictures of her son as a cover. Needless to say, cops were called.
I'm drinking Dom Perignon from the bottle with a straw just to piss of some french dude.
I'll be there in 5 min. If not, read this again.
He said something pertaining to Ragu and vodka I'm worried
You skyped me last night to show me the girl passed out on your bed.
yea im pretty sure it has something do with my love of forearms...
As she was leaving she said "You have an awesome penis, I hope to use it again soon" I need that on a business card to hand out at the bar
I was so intoxicated last night I was giving out my real name and number ugh.
Is "when in doubt date the guy with the bigger dick" a good philosophy?
She offered to treat me to breakfast after a one night stand if I meet her parents and sex again if I act as her bf. It may be a trap but its a offer I won't refuse.
Come eat Chinese buffet and watch us trip on acid. It'll be fun.
What made you think singing Silent Night while I was puking was a good idea?!?!
Why are there 17 orders of shrimp lo mein in the bathtub?
RESIST THE DICK
thats like telling me to resist drinking water. impossible.
Randomize
