Too tired to do the dishes so I made mac and cheese in a teapot. There's still some left if you want some...
she was seriously choking and the whole time all he kept saying was "that's what she said"
you pissed in the sink and didnt realize it until it was time to wash your hands
oh no, im for sure still drunk. i wana eat evrything in the fancy feast commercial... everything
btw good call for not making out for a pitcher of vodka, this hangover is bad enough
I definitely did a line of something I don't know with a Pagan biker. I make good decisions.
Dress was in bathroom covered in shards of glass, earrings on living room floor, bracelet still missing, purse in backyard. The cast of Princess Bride all left the bar to make sure I was ok. Perfect night
I didn't talk to any girls wearing masks because I wanted to avoid making the big mistake of making out with my sister.
Apparently, "please don't I have to be in court tomorrow" is not a valid excuse for a girl to abstain from giving a massive hickey.
2012 needs to end already. I've exceeded my quota for People Who Have Accidentally Seen My Tits.
Didn't get carded at the bar. We're getting wasted and then walking over to Bass Pro Shops to watch the indoor ducks swim around. And possibly buying a tent.
Martha Stewart has had a one night stand and is unsure if she's had a threesome. I no longer feel slutty.
Man, I'm real high and googling what all my favorite figure skaters from childhood are doing now.
I'm too pretty to go to jail. Especially in Louisiana.
there must be tiny pirates in the freezer stealing our rum.
Randomize
