What's everyones problem with my costume?!
It looks like a unicorn came on your face.
i wish there was a holiday celebrated with pizza eating
Well you are. Awfully cute even. Like baby bunnies. And tiny, tiny penises. You know.
She made out with the kickboxers bf. She was just asking to get kicked in the head. In the middle of the bar.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The realization of how permanent those tattoos really were set in this morning... I am SO sorry.
I have way too big of a thanksgiving food baby to enjoy any of my old high school booty calls
It was the hardest I ever came in my life and once I could see straight again I just looked at him and said "cool"
I left when you were using your mug to lay on the street and ask for spare change
Honestly I was sitting in managerial accounting thinking "I really need to get my shit together and stop drinking so much wine." But when you asked I realized... it's wine. It's always a yes.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i don't find him as attractive when he's dressed as himself...bring back Indiana jones and I would so fuck him again
After tacos, we're chasing women.
what is considered shitting yourself?
Like my underwear wasn't soiled, but there was definitely a departure from my asshole.
You were laying on the floor coloring a "get well soon' card for your liver...
I just got a text from a stranger offering to shave my asshole. I've been sober and out of town for a week, are you using my number as a dial-a-dumping again?
Well, if I'm gonna go gay, it's gonna be for NPH
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